Induction, part 2: A change in mindset

I headed in to my 41-week appointment with Littles prepared to set an induction date. I wasn't prepared for how upset that would make me.

The appointment was with Dr. S. He and I had never really "clicked," and our relationship certainly didn't improve as my pregnancy progressed. By this point, I had the on-call schedule memorized and was actively hoping not to go into labor on the days he was on-call.

He did all the usual appointment stuff, as well as a cervix check to assess my "progress," and a non-stress test (NST) and biophysical profile (BPP) -- two common forms of monitoring for overdue women. Then, at the end, he announced that the baby needed to be born by 42 weeks, so I needed to get an induction date set. He also said that I had an "unfavorable cervix," so I would need to come in the night before (i.e. no later than 41 weeks 6 days) for cervical ripening prior to Pitocin.

I left the appointment in tears. Dr. S had not seemed real open to questions. For example, when I asked him whether I'd get Cervidil or Cytotec for cervical ripening, he stared at me in surprise for a moment before answering -- like he wasn't used to answering questions like that.

But I had lots more questions running through my head: Would I need continuous fetal monitoring? Would that mean I'd be stuck in bed? Since I had to come in the night before, would I get breakfast in the morning, or would I be expected to labor the entire time with no food at all? And perhaps the most important questions: Could I do this without an epidural, as I had planned all along? Did I have a decent chance of delivering vaginally, or would I likely end up with a c-section?

I pretty much cried for three days straight. My husband was upset at seeing me so upset. He encouraged me to call and schedule another appointment, with Dr. K, who would be the OB on call during my induction. (That was one benefit to being induced: I was able to choose to deliver with Dr. K, rather than Dr. S, or one of the other four doctors in the practice, none of whom I'd met before.)

They squeezed me into Dr. K's schedule on Friday morning, 41 weeks 3 days. Dr. K ran me through the same tests that Dr. S had done earlier in the week, but she seemed much more relaxed, and it made me more relaxed. Rather than rushing through the ultrasound for the BPP, as Dr. S had done, Dr. K took her time to explain what she was looking at and why it was important. Later, I asked her the Cervidil vs. Cytotec question again, and she took it completely in stride, spending a few minutes explaining what she planned to do and why. I was able to open up and get all my other questions answered to my satisfaction.

My induction date didn't change as a result of that appointment. My mindset, however, changed drastically: I felt 100% comfortable with what was happening. I still wasn't thrilled about it, but I had come to terms with it, and became determined to make the best of it.

I hope every woman facing induction can have a similarly productive conversation with her provider -- especially if she wants a pain med free birth. If you're one of those women, and you're wondering how to kick off that conversation, stay tuned for my next post...

My birth mindset

If it hasn't come through already in my posts to date, I'm really passionate about birth. I think it's just the coolest experience ever! That said, I'm not planning on becoming the next Michelle Duggar, so my personal birth experiences will be limited. But I love talking birth with other women who are passionate about it -- or, even better, with women who are interested but maybe not so passionate, and helping them understand that birth doesn't have to be what they see on "A Baby Story" or "16 and Pregnant."

Obviously, I started this blog to talk about homebirth specifically, which I particularly love discussing because it's so different from the "Baby Story" view of birth and because so few people have any direct experience with it. But I also have a lot of thoughts on birth in general. Since you've wandered onto this blog, I assume you have some sort of interest in birth :) So forgive me if I jump up on my soapbox every now and then, and talk about stuff that isn't specific to homebirth -- or even related to homebirth at all.

Starting... now :)

One of the places I love to hang out is The Bump's Natural Birth board, because it's full of women who are passionate about birth! A few weeks ago, a woman asked about the "mindset" going in to a planned natural birth. How do you truly commit to avoiding an epidural -- because from what I've seen, most women who go in saying "I'll try to avoid an epidural but I'll see what happens" end up getting one -- without feeling like a failure if you end up really needing one?

A lot of people liked my response, so here it is, slightly modified to make some pieces more clear.

About a year before I got pregnant with Littles, I did an Ironman triathlon. It's probably the experience in my life most analogous to labor, in a variety of ways. The morning of the race, my dad told me something along these lines: "You've done the hard part. All the training and preparation. Today is the easy part. All you have to do today is get out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That was precisely my mindset going into labor. I lined everything up... I did the classes, I did the exercises, I talked over my preferences with my doctor, I hired a doula. I did all that because I needed to know going in that I had done everything possible to achieve the birth I wanted. I didn't want to look back and think, "If only I had sprung for a doula..." That preparation meant that on the day of the birth, all that was left to do was get out of the way and let my body do what I had trained it to do.

As for changing my mind, well, I didn't line up at the Ironman start line thinking, "I'll try to finish, but we'll see." After nine long, hard months of training, there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to finish. But -- this is hard to explain -- ultimately, finishing wasn't the important thing. It was the journey to get there. On the bike, I watched a guy 10 feet in front of me fail to make a left turn and go crashing over a ledge. He probably didn't finish, but he also didn't "fail." Just getting to that start line took more guts, more hard work, than most people are willing to give. He might not have gotten a finisher's medal around his neck at the end, but he still got the really important things. The improved fitness level. The discipline it takes to train for an event like that. The knowledge that his body was capable of doing way more than he ever thought possible. Those things come from the journey, not from the race at the end.

Again, this was my mindset going into labor. There was no doubt in my mind that I would do it. But if the unexpected happened, I'd know that ultimately, avoiding an epidural wasn't the important thing. It was the journey -- preparing, learning about birth, learning about my options, and setting myself up to make the safest, most informed decisions for myself and my baby. In some labors, the safest, most informed decision is an epidural, or a c-section, and that's not a "failure." In fact, it's anything but.

So. That's my mindset.