Kids at appointments

With Littles
At the time, I didn't have any other kids, so this topic never came up!

With Noob
It was very important to me that Littles be included in Noob's birth, if she wanted, in a way that was completely comfortable and very meaningful. In my eyes, birth is a transformation for our entire family, and it would feel odd if a member of our family weren't there for that transformation.

But throughout the pregnancy, I opted not to include Littles in my midwife appointments, ultrasounds, etc. I wasn't sure that she would be welcome, or that the environment would be welcoming to her.

Finally, at my 34-week appointment, I figured it was now or never. My husband was able to come to that appointment, so I didn't have to worry about amusing Littles myself. I figured she could meet J, one of the two midwives who could possibly deliver Noob, so that she wouldn't be a stranger to Littles on the day of the birth. Afterwards, we could wander over to the hospital, which was right across the street from the midwives' office.

Littles is normally outgoing, talkative, a lot of fun. But I don't think she said a single word the entire time we were in the midwives' office. It got even worse when we went over to the hospital. We were just in the waiting area, not even in one of the rooms with bright lights and funny machines -- but Littles turned to me and said, "I don't like it here. I want to go."

I thought, "Well, J is a stranger to her. Maybe that's why she was so quiet at the appointment. And maybe she was just tired and cranky by the time we got to the hospital."

We went straight home, as we had a meeting with another key component of our birth team: M, our fabulous doula.

Now, at the time, M was also a stranger to Littles; she had met her only once, about four months earlier, during our doula interview. But the difference in M's behavior was like night and day. The outgoing, talkative, fun little girl who had been missing all morning? She came out right away.

I had been thinking a little about homebirth prior to that day, but seeing the change in Littles' behavior made me think about it even more. I wanted her to be comfortable at the birth, and it was clear to me that her comfort level was tied to location, much more than to people. And, I mean, it made perfect sense. Of course a 2.5-year-old would be far more comfortable in her own home than in a strange hospital.

Furthermore, during our meeting with M, we discussed a lot of specifics about our birth preferences. A few things came up that would be more of a struggle in the hospital vs. at home. For example, M said that our hospital really liked all laboring women to at least have a hep lock. That's reasonable, but I was hoping to avoid one -- I had one during my labor with Littles, and the site hurt and itched for a few days afterwards. An absolute dealbreaker? Of course not, on its own. But all of those non-dealbreakers taken together, along with Littles' behavior at the midwives' office and the hospital, started making me think seriously about making the switch to homebirth.

That was the last appointment I had with my hospital-based midwives. By the time of my next appointment, at 36 weeks, I had officially made the switch.

I had four appointments with C prior to Noob's birth, and Littles came along to three of them. (I opted not to bring her to the very first appointment, as I knew we'd be doing a lot of talking and paperwork, which would be pretty boring for her.) Even though C was a new face and her office was a new place, Littles seemed instantly at ease with the entire situation. I knew I'd made the right choice.

She ended up being present for my entire labor, in a way that was very comfortable and meaningful. But I'll save that story for another post.

With Q

Littles at C's exam table

Since we didn't tell the kids about my pregnancy until after we heard the heartbeat at our first appointment with C, we couldn't exactly bring them along to any of the early appointments :)

But I did bring Littles along to my most recent appointment, at 14 weeks. Once again, she seemed instantly at ease.

It's even more fun having her along now that she's older and understands more of what's going on. For example, she was curious about the different colored squares on my "pee stick" (testing my urine for sugars, protein, etc.), so C patiently explained to her what they all meant. She loved hearing the heartbeat and was fascinated by a small model of a 12-week-old fetus that C showed her.

I think that the visit really helped "make it real" for her, too. Prior to that appointment, she knew I was pregnant, but didn't talk about it a whole lot. Now, she's constantly coming up to me and kissing my belly and saying hello to Q, she's picking out outfits for Q to wear, she's telling me how big my belly is :), etc. I can't wait for her to come to more appointments and learn even more.

I plan to do the same with Noob, but he is such a little tornado that I'm dreading it a little -- I worry that he's going to be into everything! But C sounded downright disappointed that he wasn't there last time, so I'll probably suck it up and bring him next time and hope he's not too much of a pain! At least I know he's welcome, and I know the environment is welcoming to him, and that is the important thing.