My birth mindset

If it hasn't come through already in my posts to date, I'm really passionate about birth. I think it's just the coolest experience ever! That said, I'm not planning on becoming the next Michelle Duggar, so my personal birth experiences will be limited. But I love talking birth with other women who are passionate about it -- or, even better, with women who are interested but maybe not so passionate, and helping them understand that birth doesn't have to be what they see on "A Baby Story" or "16 and Pregnant."

Obviously, I started this blog to talk about homebirth specifically, which I particularly love discussing because it's so different from the "Baby Story" view of birth and because so few people have any direct experience with it. But I also have a lot of thoughts on birth in general. Since you've wandered onto this blog, I assume you have some sort of interest in birth :) So forgive me if I jump up on my soapbox every now and then, and talk about stuff that isn't specific to homebirth -- or even related to homebirth at all.

Starting... now :)

One of the places I love to hang out is The Bump's Natural Birth board, because it's full of women who are passionate about birth! A few weeks ago, a woman asked about the "mindset" going in to a planned natural birth. How do you truly commit to avoiding an epidural -- because from what I've seen, most women who go in saying "I'll try to avoid an epidural but I'll see what happens" end up getting one -- without feeling like a failure if you end up really needing one?

A lot of people liked my response, so here it is, slightly modified to make some pieces more clear.

About a year before I got pregnant with Littles, I did an Ironman triathlon. It's probably the experience in my life most analogous to labor, in a variety of ways. The morning of the race, my dad told me something along these lines: "You've done the hard part. All the training and preparation. Today is the easy part. All you have to do today is get out of the way, and let your body do what you've trained it to do."

That was precisely my mindset going into labor. I lined everything up... I did the classes, I did the exercises, I talked over my preferences with my doctor, I hired a doula. I did all that because I needed to know going in that I had done everything possible to achieve the birth I wanted. I didn't want to look back and think, "If only I had sprung for a doula..." That preparation meant that on the day of the birth, all that was left to do was get out of the way and let my body do what I had trained it to do.

As for changing my mind, well, I didn't line up at the Ironman start line thinking, "I'll try to finish, but we'll see." After nine long, hard months of training, there was no doubt in my mind that I was going to finish. But -- this is hard to explain -- ultimately, finishing wasn't the important thing. It was the journey to get there. On the bike, I watched a guy 10 feet in front of me fail to make a left turn and go crashing over a ledge. He probably didn't finish, but he also didn't "fail." Just getting to that start line took more guts, more hard work, than most people are willing to give. He might not have gotten a finisher's medal around his neck at the end, but he still got the really important things. The improved fitness level. The discipline it takes to train for an event like that. The knowledge that his body was capable of doing way more than he ever thought possible. Those things come from the journey, not from the race at the end.

Again, this was my mindset going into labor. There was no doubt in my mind that I would do it. But if the unexpected happened, I'd know that ultimately, avoiding an epidural wasn't the important thing. It was the journey -- preparing, learning about birth, learning about my options, and setting myself up to make the safest, most informed decisions for myself and my baby. In some labors, the safest, most informed decision is an epidural, or a c-section, and that's not a "failure." In fact, it's anything but.

So. That's my mindset.