Love these two quotes...

...and I think they fit neatly with my last post:

"100 years ago women stopped talking to their daughters about babies and started trusting people that have nothing to do with it."

"Don't let your birth experience be stolen because you were afraid."

-- Dr. Fred Cummings, OB/GYN, addressing the Tarrant County Birth Network meeting on January 24, 2013

So many women are afraid of childbirth. They combat the fear by trusting people that have nothing to do with it. Sometimes, that trust is well-placed. Often, it's not.

I talk to my daughters (and my son) about birth precisely because when it comes time for them (or their partners) to give birth, I don't want them to be afraid. Ultimately, I don't care if they give birth at home or in the hospital, with a midwife or an OB (or even unattended), spontaneously or via induction or via scheduled c-section, with no drugs or with every drug under the sun... as long as their choices are well-informed, and not driven by fear.

Kids at birth

Many people have the attitude that a birth is no place for kids. (With the obvious exception of the kid being born :) Surely, they'll be traumatized by seeing their mother in a hospital, and in pain. I mean, birth is scary... right?

I wholeheartedly disagree. And I daresay my kids do, too :)

With Noob
I've already mentioned that being able to integrate Littles into Noob's birth was very important to me, and ended up being one of the reasons I switched to homebirth.

On Noob's birth day, Littles woke up around 9 AM. I was in active labor at that point, and had to really focus on each contraction. We called two friends to come over and stay with Littles, so that my husband and the rest of the birth team could focus on me.

We didn't restrict Littles in any way as far as where she could go in the house -- we didn't try to keep her away from me, nor did we try to keep her with me. So, like most two-year-olds, she was all over the place. Sometimes she was out in the living room watching a movie. Sometimes I joined her. Sometimes I retreated back to the bedroom, and sometimes she followed me.

For me, having her around was a welcome distraction. Contractions were easier when she was in the room -- maybe because I knew that I needed to reassure her that everything was OK and I was doing just fine. Reassuring their kids is just what moms do :)

As for her? Well... judge for yourself whether she looks traumatized or not.

Now, towards the end, when I was pushing, I knew that for the first time, my face was registering discomfort. Littles wasn't in the room, and my midwife and doula both asked multiple times whether I wanted her brought in. I said no.

In retrospect, I regret that. I think she could have handled it just fine. And it would have been special for her to be there in that moment when he came out. But it wasn't a huge deal. She was brought in just minutes later, so she was definitely part of the experience, and I was very thankful for that.

With Q
As we had done with Noob's birth, we lined up some friends to come help with the kids while I labored with Q. I also asked LIttles whether or not she wanted to be woken up if I ended up giving birth at night -- I figured that at age 5, she was capable of making that decision. She said that she did want to be woken up.

As it turns out, I did end up giving birth at night. We called our friends the evening before, as I dealt with some early labor contractions, just to let them know that we might need them to come over later. But since it was at night, and my labor ended up going very quickly, we never actually made the call to have them come.

When it became clear that Q's arrival was imminent, I told my husband to go wake up Littles. She was probably in the room for less than five minutes before Q was born. She curled up in the glider, directly behind where I was pushing Q out on my hands and knees -- so she had, um, a front row seat to the action. But again, she was not traumatized in the least.

She even cut the cord, and checked out the placenta.

I was less sure of what Noob's role would be. (He was 2.5 years old at the time.) I wasn't planning to wake him up if I ended up birthing at night. He ended up waking on his own a few times late in my labor (I really think kids just know these things somehow) and when he woke up again right after Q came out, we decided to just get him up and let him join the fun.

He did amazingly well, all things considered. It all worked out beautifully.

So, kids can have a place at a birth. It definitely depends on the kids, and the birth. I definitely think it's easier to integrate kids into an out-of-hospital birth, and a homebirth, in particular -- it allows them to stay in an environment that is familiar and comfortable. Regardless of birth location, I do think it's always a good idea to have someone (not one of the members of Mom's support team) to care for the kids, because both kids and births can be unpredictable.

But it doesn't have to be a traumatizing experience. Birth isn't inherently scary. I'm not scared of birth. Neither is my husband, or my midwife. So it's hardly surprising that my kids weren't scared by it, either. In fact, I asked Littles after Q's birth whether she was scared at all, and she just laughed and said, "Nooooooooooo!" Like she thought I was joking.

I'm sure they'll learn over the years that many people are scared of birth, but I hope it's their first experiences with birth that stick in their minds.

(All photos by the amazingly Elizabeth Boyce of Earth Mama Photography)

Birth photography

With Littles
Between my husband, our doula, and me, and our little point and shoot camera, we managed to capture some lovely images, like this one (after getting out of the shower on the morning of Littles' birth -- the big purple glove was to keep my hep lock dry):

Or my infamous "birds nest hair" picture, taken shortly after she came out:

Or this shot of my husband's first moments alone with our new baby, which I had to capture as best as possible from my bed across the room (no way was I getting up to take pictures):

Of course, I treasure these pictures because they take me back to that amazing day. But still, there were a lot of moments that were missed, simply because my husband and doula were (understandably!) more focused on caring for me than on capturing those moments.

With Noob
I believe I first learned about the concept of birth photography early in my pregnancy with Noob. It sounded like a great idea, but I dragged my feet on actually booking a photographer. At my 37-week checkup, I saw a flyer from a local birth photographer. It reminded me that if I wanted to do it, I really needed to get on it :)

I talked to my husband about it first. He was dead-set against it. It was a lot of money, and I don't think he really liked the idea of having someone there snapping away with her camera during that very intimate time.

But I really, really wanted it, and eventually managed to convince him to not throw the photographer out when she showed up during labor :) My next hurdle was finding a photographer with availability. Really, any professional photographer can take great pictures, but there are a couple of photographers in my area who specialize in birth photography. Like I said, it is a very intimate and special time. I really wanted someone who understood and respected that.

I really lucked out when I contacted Elizabeth at Earth Mama Photography. She has tons of experience in birth photography and is usually booked up months in advance -- in fact, when I contacted her in January, she was already fully booked for July! But she had a couple of late January and early February moms who went early, so she happened to have a hole in her calendar for me.

On Noob's birth day, Elizabeth arrived and left with my midwife. In between, she captured some absolutely amazing pictures. She also blended right in with the rest of my support team. She has kids of her own and used to be a doula as well, so she's been at a lot of births, and she just knows what needs to be done. It is hard to put into words. I imagine it could be awkward, having someone shove a camera in your face during a contraction, or in your vagina when you're trying to push a baby out :) With Elizabeth, it wasn't awkward at all.

She certainly won my husband over. Not only did he not throw her out, but in the weeks following the birth, he kept asking when the final set of pictures would be ready :)

These are some of my favorites.

With Q
It wasn't even a question. Early in my pregnancy, I announced to my husband that I was hiring Elizabeth again. He poked me a bit about having "expensive tastes." I reminded him of how much money he's spent on his woodworking tools. That was that :)

Elizabeth ended up missing the birth itself (no fault of her own, totally mine for not giving her enough of a heads' up), but she showed up literally seconds afterwards and captured some incredible images. Well worth it.