Kids at birth

Many people have the attitude that a birth is no place for kids. (With the obvious exception of the kid being born :) Surely, they'll be traumatized by seeing their mother in a hospital, and in pain. I mean, birth is scary... right?

I wholeheartedly disagree. And I daresay my kids do, too :)

With Noob
I've already mentioned that being able to integrate Littles into Noob's birth was very important to me, and ended up being one of the reasons I switched to homebirth.

On Noob's birth day, Littles woke up around 9 AM. I was in active labor at that point, and had to really focus on each contraction. We called two friends to come over and stay with Littles, so that my husband and the rest of the birth team could focus on me.

We didn't restrict Littles in any way as far as where she could go in the house -- we didn't try to keep her away from me, nor did we try to keep her with me. So, like most two-year-olds, she was all over the place. Sometimes she was out in the living room watching a movie. Sometimes I joined her. Sometimes I retreated back to the bedroom, and sometimes she followed me.

For me, having her around was a welcome distraction. Contractions were easier when she was in the room -- maybe because I knew that I needed to reassure her that everything was OK and I was doing just fine. Reassuring their kids is just what moms do :)

As for her? Well... judge for yourself whether she looks traumatized or not.

Now, towards the end, when I was pushing, I knew that for the first time, my face was registering discomfort. Littles wasn't in the room, and my midwife and doula both asked multiple times whether I wanted her brought in. I said no.

In retrospect, I regret that. I think she could have handled it just fine. And it would have been special for her to be there in that moment when he came out. But it wasn't a huge deal. She was brought in just minutes later, so she was definitely part of the experience, and I was very thankful for that.

With Q
As we had done with Noob's birth, we lined up some friends to come help with the kids while I labored with Q. I also asked LIttles whether or not she wanted to be woken up if I ended up giving birth at night -- I figured that at age 5, she was capable of making that decision. She said that she did want to be woken up.

As it turns out, I did end up giving birth at night. We called our friends the evening before, as I dealt with some early labor contractions, just to let them know that we might need them to come over later. But since it was at night, and my labor ended up going very quickly, we never actually made the call to have them come.

When it became clear that Q's arrival was imminent, I told my husband to go wake up Littles. She was probably in the room for less than five minutes before Q was born. She curled up in the glider, directly behind where I was pushing Q out on my hands and knees -- so she had, um, a front row seat to the action. But again, she was not traumatized in the least.

She even cut the cord, and checked out the placenta.

I was less sure of what Noob's role would be. (He was 2.5 years old at the time.) I wasn't planning to wake him up if I ended up birthing at night. He ended up waking on his own a few times late in my labor (I really think kids just know these things somehow) and when he woke up again right after Q came out, we decided to just get him up and let him join the fun.

He did amazingly well, all things considered. It all worked out beautifully.

So, kids can have a place at a birth. It definitely depends on the kids, and the birth. I definitely think it's easier to integrate kids into an out-of-hospital birth, and a homebirth, in particular -- it allows them to stay in an environment that is familiar and comfortable. Regardless of birth location, I do think it's always a good idea to have someone (not one of the members of Mom's support team) to care for the kids, because both kids and births can be unpredictable.

But it doesn't have to be a traumatizing experience. Birth isn't inherently scary. I'm not scared of birth. Neither is my husband, or my midwife. So it's hardly surprising that my kids weren't scared by it, either. In fact, I asked Littles after Q's birth whether she was scared at all, and she just laughed and said, "Nooooooooooo!" Like she thought I was joking.

I'm sure they'll learn over the years that many people are scared of birth, but I hope it's their first experiences with birth that stick in their minds.

(All photos by the amazingly Elizabeth Boyce of Earth Mama Photography)